The rush of impending freedom

I'm lucky to have a job and I'm especially fortunate to have one I enjoy, but sometimes work is still....work. And on Fridays I get a little jolt of excitement, the rush of impending freedom.

Work has been crazier than usual lately. In addition to all my normal work, I've been doing the payroll for a few weeks. It makes me nervous - I don't want to make any mistakes. Plus it's a weird feeling to write out one's own paycheck. But it keeps things interesting. I can hardly believe I've been working here for nine years now. What a long strange trip it's been. And I mean that in the very best way.

The working hard I don't mind so long as it's balanced out by some playing hard. Last weekend Mom and I saw Les Misérables at the Auditorium Theater (such a depressing story but the music is beautiful). This week Mike and I went to free member movie night at The Little to see The Great Gatsby (and now I am coveting all those 1920's dresses hardcore) and we caught the tail end of Rusted Root playing at the Lilac Festival (but it was too crowded to move or find anyone). I'm hoping this weekend will be filled with running and kettle corn or possibly a frosty in a waffle cone, which the radio told me is a new thing. It's about time.

I would like to be spending some time on my brand new porch, but the guy got held up on another job and now he can't start work on my house until next week. I just want to get it all over with and pay him because the longer I wait the harder it is to keep myself from going into full-on ridiculous mode and freaking out about spending money. That train of thought runs nonstop service to a future where I am destitute and living in a cardboard box. And I do not want to be in a cardboard box. I want to be in a hammock swing. On a porch. Eating a frosty.

Lyric of the moment: "Baby in our wildest moments, we could be the greatest, we could be the greatest. Baby in our wildest moments, we could be the worst of all..."

The cost of awesome sauce

The price of awesomeness is that sometimes you end up in pain. Or really phlegmy. One week I'm touring Egypt and the next I'm becoming best friends with Nyquil and the only sights I'm seeing are the insides of my eyelids. So it goes.

Every time I go somewhere new and fabulous, I return with a cold. But it's all good. I like to think of it as giving my immune system some new challenges, some foreign and exciting germs to vanquish. My body and I are still speaking different languages, but at least now I'm actually listening and trying to understand. Rather than being that annoying tourist who tries to communicate in a foreign land by speaking increasingly loudly in his own language. As if there is some magic decibel level at which his words will get all Rosetta Stoned and suddenly everyone will understand him. I don't want to be that guy. I'm putting down my fanny pack and backing away slowly.

The thing about pain and discomfort is that sometimes it's a warning sign, a call to action or immediate cessation of the current action. But sometimes that discomfort is a sign of growth, a manifestation of all the awesomeness building up inside of you.

Lyric of the moment: "Sometimes the very thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see..."

Epic adventures in Egypt

If I do say so myself, my first solo trip was a smashing success. It took me 3 flights and 20+ hours to get there but it was totally worth it. Egypt was amazing! I got to see Cairo, the Pyramids of Giza and Saqqara, the Sphinx, Luxor Temple, the Valley of the Kings, Karnak Temple, the Egyptian museum and King Tutankhamon's treasure and ride on a camel, a felucca (sailboat) on the Nile and an overnight sleeper train (though sleeper train is really a misnomer. It's rather hard to sleep with all the shaking, jolting and squeaking going on. But they do give you 3 different kinds of rolls for breakfast, so maybe carbo train would be a better name).

My trip was through On The Go Tours, which I highly recommend. The other people in the tour group, 2 from South Africa and 2 from Australia, were really cool and we had a great guide, Hesham, who is an Egyptologist. He told us all about life in ancient Egypt as well as modern Egypt. He was honest about the problems facing Egypt today, but it was obvious that he loves his country. And the best way to see anything is through the eyes of someone who is passionate about it.

Driving in Cairo was fascinating to watch. There are no rules, no lanes, and crazy traffic. I saw a few stoplights but no one seemed to be heeding them. We rode past, on the one hand, sheep eating garbage in the street in front of a butcher shop where they would eventually end up on the menu, the City of the Dead (a cemetery where a million people live) and tons of unfinished and illegal apartment buildings and, on the other hand, The Four Seasons Residence Hotel, where you can drive your fancy expensive car into an elevator and up to your fancy expensive room.

Since the revolution in January 2011, tourism in Egypt has really decreased, which is sad because it's one of their main industries and sources of employment/income. But if you're a tourist, it's a great time to visit Egypt because there are no lines and you can have the pyramids and other tourist sites practically to yourself. Plus, when we went to the pyramids, we were accompanied by a man from the tourist police. It was like having our very own bodyguard, even though there was really nothing to guard us from. People seemed to be surprised that I was from the U.S. because apparently in the past few years Americans have been afraid to visit Egypt. It's such a shame because the country and its people are awesome. My fellow Americans, you are really missing out on some epic adventures. The other people in my group also told me I didn't have much of an American accent. I asked what typical Americans sound like and they said "more Texan," which I thought was hilarious.

Shopping in Egypt is quite the experience as well. Everywhere we went, people followed us around trying to sell us souvenirs. Some of them were very aggressive and didn't want to take no for an answer. I almost got scammed by a guy who overcharged me for postcards and stamps, but lucky for me Hesham got him to give me some money back. Hesham also taught us how to barter like an Egyptian. If you pay the price they initially quote you, you'll usually be overcharged, but if you walk away they will follow you and keep lowering the price or ask what you want to pay.

To be honest, I was a little apprehensive about solo travel, but going with a group I never felt alone. I'd still prefer to have a travel partner for future adventures, but if the choice is either go alone or stay home, I'm definitely going. This trip has only increased my insatiable wanderlust. After hearing all about South Africa and Australia from my travel mates, I totally want to experience those countries as well. My current cravings are for Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro and going on a safari, but there are so many places I want to go it's hard to choose. I'm excited to go back to work so I can make more money for future trips!

Lyric of the moment: "I'm speeding out of reach. Oh, you're the one I had to meet...Wanderlust will carry us on..."

Off on adventures. Back soon.

I think the secret of a great adventure is to be equally excited to embark and to return home again. Until next week, my dears. I hope you enjoy your own fabulous adventures this week, and always.

Lyric of the moment: "I got my ticket for the long way 'round. Two bottle whiskey pints of ice cream for the way. And I sure would like some sweet company. And I'm leaving tomorrow, what do you say? When I'm gone, when I'm gone, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone..."

Some kind of interesting

Last week I was talking to someone who was born on the other side of the world and he told me I was "very interesting" and "fascinating." Interesting bad or interesting good? I asked. "Good," he said "You're an idealist but you also have a practical side." Apparently my head is in the clouds but my feet are on the ground. Therefore it stands to reason that I must be very tall. Score.

But I think everyone is interesting. A particularly hilarious example: someone sent us a resume that included a section titled "What's so special about (candidate name)" and one of the bullet points said "I juggle fire." Talk about interesting. Who wouldn't want to hire that guy?

Sometimes I feel that things are hopelessly elusive. Or maybe it's just me. But I suppose that's how it goes. The best things in life cannot be possessed or owned. They come to you if you're open to them but if you hold on too tightly, they slip through your fingers.

I think I have to accept that I am not the kind of person who can buy a house as-is. I am the kind of person who buys a house then gradually changes everything about it except its physical location. There is something to be said for accepting things as they are, but I can't help seeing them as they could be. And I wonder if that is my tragic flaw. One of them anyway.

On Saturday I ran 10 miles! Well it wasn't a consecutive 10 miles - I ran 7 miles, took a break to do an hour on the elliptical, then ran 3 more - but I'm the only one counting and I say it counts. I have never been so excited to run such a short distance. I would have done a dance if I was coordinated enough to do so without falling off the treadmill. Fingers crossed that I am almost ready to run with other people again.

Lyric of the moment: "If you're loved by someone, you're never rejected. Decide what to be and go be it. There was a dream and one day I could see it. Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it..."

Getting up to so many shenanigans

Lately I am excited. About everything. Ordinary days. Upcoming extraordinary adventures. I don't know how it happened but hey, I'll take it. The thing is that nothing really changed except the way I feel about the way things already are. If that makes any sense. And yeah, occasionally I still wish certain things were different. But mostly I feel like I'm going to get up to so many shenanigans and I can't wait.

It's amazing what a subtle shift in perspective can do. That awkward/bizarre/ creepy  thing/person/experience? It will make an hilarious story someday. Man have I got loads of those now. People are the weirdest.

But I think the thing that made the most difference for me was learning to love things wholeheartedly without expectation or attachment. Or attempting to learn it anyway. This is still an ongoing thing. Basically I'm trying to 1) do the things I love for the pure enjoyment of them, without being attached to the results, 2) listen and really be present for other people without thinking about a million other things and 3) not letting fear of embarrassment/failure/dying alone keep me from potentially epic moments.

Things that are awesome:

I recently acquired a pair of Nike running capris that are the best ever. They retail for $45 but I got them at the thrift store for $4. I love it when I chance upon something I wasn't even looking for and it's in perfect condition and fits perfectly, like it was meant to be.

Bonus points for the T-shirt at the same thrift store that had a picture of a cow on it and said "There's no mad tofu disease." Which I did not buy. But did have a good laugh over.

If there is a heaven, I hope it is like Espada, where men bring you skewers of the most delicious grilled pineapple with cinnamon and cut you off a slice, which you get to pick up with the cutest little pair of tongs. And the salad bar is divine. I suppose it's weird for a vegetarian to fall in love with a Brazilian steakhouse, but that's how I roll.

Pretty much everything that Bill says. Like "You would be a good drunk." and also this conversation:
Bill: "This is a list of the people I went to grammar school with who have passed away."
Me: "You keep a list of dead people? I hope I don't end up on that paper."
Bill: "Well you will if you keep that up."

Lyric of the moment: "And I don't blame you dear for running like you did all these years. I would do the same, you'd best believe. And the highway signs say we're close but I don't read those things anymore. I never trusted my own eyes. So keep your head up, keep your love. Keep your head up, my love..."

Countdown to Cairo

Sometimes I get an idea that, for whatever reason, I just can't shake. And then, because I'm incredibly fortunate and at times more than a little relentless, it has a tendency to become sort of inevitable. So I'm going to Egypt. (EGYPT!!!!!) At the end of April! As in less than 4 weeks from now!

Amongst all my travel and flight confirmation emails, I also received this:


Word of the Day for Friday, March 29, 2013
swivet \SWIV-it\, noun: a state of nervous excitement, haste, or anxiety; flutter: I was in such a swivet that I could hardly speak.


That sums it up quite nicely.

I've always wanted to go to Egypt. I mean, I've always wanted to go pretty much everywhere. But Egypt, man, that's some epic shit. Then one day I was like what am I waiting for? Why not now?

And admittedly I had a moment where I got all what if I have an awful, lonely, depressing time by myself and just totally fail at this vacation? But then I was like so what? As if it is even possible to fail at vacation. I'm going to be with a tour group the whole time. Sure, they're strangers, but I won't be alone. And I doubt I will feel anything other than serious awe while standing in front of the freaking pyramids. Plus, I'm totally going to use this trip as an excuse to buy some harem pants. But seriously, I am going to have to do some shopping. Most of my clothes are too risqué for a conservative Muslim country.

Lyric of the moment: "Breathe in for luck..."

Cell of the month awards

Once upon a time, I was a single cell. So were you. We were all these microscopic bundles of infinite potential. And look at us now: we have become trillions of cells, trillions of bundles of infinite potential. We could do anything. I love that about us.

Sometimes I'm kind of a jerk to my cells. I take them for granted. I forget to wonder at all of the amazing things they are doing for me right this very minute and every single minute. I don't hand out cell of the month awards.

But I am feeding them more vegetables. Baby steps. I mean, I still eat a lot more junk than I should, but I'm working on it. (A life without cake is no kind of life. But neither is a life of all cake.) I can really feel the difference too. When I eat better I feel better, happier, more energized. You probably can't tell from the outside, but inside it's a party up in here.

I realize all these things I'm saying are blatantly obvious. But sometimes the most obvious truths are the hardest to internalize. Maybe I'm finally starting to get it, this whole taking care of myself thing. Maybe I will finally stop running away from things that are good for me. Anything could happen.

Cell of the month: Erythrocyte #23,000.

Lyric of the moment: "Not really sure how to feel about it. Something in the way you move. Makes me feel like I can't live without you..."

Work hard, play hard (die hard?)*

The truth I'm coming to realize is that I would let anyone onto the plane but there are very few I would trust to be co-captain. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Admittedly I have some control issues (See: 2000-2002, so not my best years). I can embrace all the randomness and chaos of life but I cannot stand to be out of control of myself. If you were being kind, you might call it self-discipline, but it's really part of the craziness. The craziness is what compelled me to do every single bit of extra credit in school even though I already had straight A's, what made me run a second marathon because the first one didn't go down how I wanted it to, what drives me to get to work by 7:15 even though no one else gets there until at least 8.

Sometimes I think I just want to do whatever I feel like, screw the consequences. But I don't. Because that's not who I am. And I know it's not going to get me where I really want to be. A life of instant gratification is a dead end. It's small changes, good habits and healthy actions, made consistently and continually, that lead to lasting awesomeness and real fulfillment. I don't want to escape from reality, I want to live it, in all its messiness and beauty.

As much as I sometimes feel like it, I can't give up. I don't have it in me to do anything half-arsed. If I'm in, I'm all in. I will put everything I have into it for as long as it takes. It's the craziness, it's how I'm programmed. I can't change it and I don't really want to. I just have to keep it in balance so it works for me instead of against me. Because I want to let go and enjoy myself, I want spontaneity and adventure. But I also want stability and responsibility. Which seems contradictory but it's yin and yang, balance, everything in moderation. Robots just want to have fun, while also being healthy and saving for retirement.

I think sometimes responsibility gets a bad rap. It sounds boring and dull. But I think it's actually the foundation for true enjoyment. You can't really relax if you're worried about money all the time or involved in crazy personal drama. But if you have your life in order, you have options and resources and the world becomes your playground. At least I hope so. Because I've been working hard for 31 years and now I want to play hard too.

Lyric of the moment: "I don’t wanna go to sleep, I wanna stay up all night, I wanna just screw around. I don’t wanna think about what’s gonna be after this, I wanna just live right now..." (but like in a totally responsible way where I still get to have a 401K)

*Dear Bruce Willis, please pick this as the title of your next movie. And if you have a thirty-something doppelganger, please send him my way.

Wildness and adventure

A few nights ago I was watching 12 Monkeys on TV, but I fell asleep partway through. I checked Netflix but they didn't have it. Then last night I was at Adam's for burritos and Doctor Who and happened to mention 12 Monkeys. He got up, walked over to his shelf, then handed me his 12 Monkeys DVD. Sometimes that's all it takes. You happen to mention what you want and life hands it to you. It's not usually that immediate or effortless, but it seems like the universe has given me everything I need, and most of what I ask for, exactly when I needed it.

Sometimes I forget this and I get all when is it going to happen? seriously, when? how about now? are we there yet? when I should just relax and trust that everything is and will be copacetic.



If a unicorn says it, it must be true.

Maybe once I'm able to articulate what I desire and become more open to the opportunities around me, the rest just sort of takes care of itself.
Or something like that. I don't know. What I do know is that I'm not very Machiavellian. I don't believe the ends justify the means. I've found that if I don't enjoy the process, the results are sort of irrelevant. I don't want to force myself to do things I dislike just to get somewhere I may not even want to be.

But I don't know how to get where I want to be. I just want wildness and adventure. (Dear universe, hint hint).

Lyric of the moment: "I'll just read a book instead. I don't care if we're just friends. I can hang out with myself. I'm old enough now to pretend..." (I love Kate Nash because all her songs are the story of my life but also make me laugh. See especially: "Why're you being a dickhead for? You're just fucking up situations.")