Congratulations! You're a person with internet access! It can be a wonderful place to connect with loved ones, make new friends and watch a seemingly endless stream of cute animal videos. It can also be a terrible place where judgment and hatred run amok. But you, Brave Internet User, have a choice! You can choose to add more awfulness or more awesomeness. If you want to do the latter, please come in. (If you want to do the former, I'm terribly sorry that life has been unkind to you and caused you to want to be unkind to others in return. Just know that you don't have to suffer alone. There are ears out there that want to listen to your story. I have two of them). And so, without further ado, my (non-expert) guide to being a better person online:
How To Be A Person On The Internet
So you've just read something online (maybe something that sparked an emotional reaction) and you are about to post a comment. Here are some things to consider before you do:
- Pause. Take a deep breath. Or several deep breaths. Getting some sweet Oxygen all up in your cells is a good first step to most things in life.
- Cozy up in your empathy blanket, maybe get yourself a snack if you feel hungry or a drink if you feel thirsty. (Steps 1 and 2 are the put on your own oxygen mask first part of the airline safety briefing. It is far easier to be a better, more compassionate human online if your own basic needs are being met first. So do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable in your body and brain).
- Ask yourself: Am I taking this personally? Am I making this about me? Be honest. It's ok if you are. We all do it. But try to be aware of it. Life is not a contest or a zero sum game. There are no medals for having the worst/best/hardest/easiest day/week/life. Someone else's success is not your loss. Someone else's struggles are not an invitation to complain about how much worse your struggles are. Maybe go back to Step 1 and take a few more deep breaths. Or go back to Step 2 and figure out what you're feeling and what you need to give yourself so you don't get defensive all over someone else's post that is not about you.
- Ask yourself: Am I being judgmental? Again, no judgment if you are, just recognize it. You don't know more about someone else's experience of life than they do. You don't have all the information, you don't know the full story. You can't know this, not having lived anyone else's life but your own. Most people are overly self-critical. They don't need someone else piling on extra criticism.
- Ask yourself: Am I about to give unsolicited advice? Keep in mind, if someone has not specifically and blatantly asked for recommendations/advice, you are giving unsolicited advice. "But I'm just trying to be helpful!" you say. Truth: unsolicited advice is usually not helpful and can sometimes be harmful. Unless they specifically ask for advice, most of the time people are not looking for advice, they are looking for empathy. They want you to acknowledge their feelings/problems/pain and let them know they're not alone. They don't want you to fix them or imply they need fixing. Try offering some empathy first and be a good listener. You can do this by validating their feelings (I understand how you feel that way) or acknowledging their situation (That's frustrating/hard/painful) or offering support (I am here with you).
- Remember that we're all doing the best we can do and we're all imperfect. We all make mistakes. We've all said or done something we regret. But keep trying. Try to do better for others, not to do better than others. Try to add more awesomeness and alleviate awfulness wherever you can.
- When in doubt, you can't go wrong with videos/photos/memes of cute animals. They make everything a little bit better.
