I said I dig you baby but I've got to keep moving

I had a nice 9 mile run this morning with running group. This time around I'm in the 9:30 pace group instead of the 10:00 minute mile group. I was a little worried because last week's run felt too fast, but I think it was because I hadn't been sleeping well and I was getting sick. Today's run felt much better. And I have made a few new friends at running group, which makes it a lot more fun. As a whole, runners are pretty awesome people.

This week I've been watching some of my favorite movies (Garden State, Love Actually), I bought myself a new coat ($30 on sale, woot!) and got a haircut (there's just something about a new haircut that makes me feel different somehow, even if it's nothing drastic). Last night was Casablanca and cupcakes night. Because for some reason I'd never seen Casablanca before. And cupcakes are delicious. Especially Sugar Mountain cupcakes. And I broke out the She Wants Revenge this afternoon. I love that album. It just makes me want to dance.

I always thought I wasn't a passionate person, like I wasn't programmed for that kind of feeling. But I'm starting to see glimpses of passion in my life, like I am coming into my own somehow. I can feel myself changing, stretching my boundries on all fronts. I'm not sure where all this is going, but I like it.

Lyric of the moment: "It’s about damn time to live it up. I’m so sick of being so serious. It’s making my brain delirious..." (Because I love Ke$ha. I can't help it. More people should have dollar signs in their names.)

Love in a playlist

 Songs that always make me feel better. Or in other words, songs I want to live in.

The Beatles, Across The Universe
The Pretenders, I'll Stand By You
Mike Doughty, Your Misfortune
Ben Folds, The Luckiest
The National, Sorrow
Mumford & Sons, The Cave
INXS, Never Tear Us Apart
Coldplay, Don't Panic
Snow Patrol, Chocolate
Cat Power, Sea Of Love
Incubus, I Wish You Were Here
Radiohead. All of it. All the time.

There will still be moments when a little sadness creeps in, but I have no regrets. I'm happy I met Jeremy. I'm happy that we had 3.5 years of adventures, and I will always keep them in my heart. But I'm happy for the next chapter in my life too. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest with this crazy excitement for life and I love it. I just want to run and read and travel and go on amazing adventures with awesome people.

Lyric of the moment: "Never too soon. Oh reckless abandon, like no one's watching you. A moment, a love, a dream, a laugh, a kiss, a cry, our rights, our wrongs..."

And the only way past is through



Photo taken by Barb Boutillier from Fleet Feet

 It's funny how running mirrors my life. Or life mirrors my running. I ran in the Lake Effect Winter Trail Festival at Webster Park on Sunday. It was a 4 mile race on snowy trails, over logs and bridges, up and down hills, in the freezing cold. I finished in 39:10, which isn't bad, but I'm more excited about the fact that I didn't fall down. I have to admit that trail races are growing on me. They're more like obstacle courses, more dangerous and more invigorating than road races. And to be honest I needed the chaos on Sunday. It was nice to focus on running and jumping and not wiping out in the snow instead of on the chaos in the rest of my life. I feel like I'm in a life obstacle course as well, juggling a breakup, house/dog sitting for my parents, my bathroom renovation, and this stupid cold that keeps coming and going. The next 2 weeks are going to be a little messy, but in the end I think it will be for the best.

So sometimes I will be happy and laugh and life will be good. And sometimes I'll hear a song on the radio that will just wreck me and I'll start crying in my car and feel like an idiot. Such is life. Sometimes the shit hits the proverbial fan. And the only way past is through.

I am continually amazed at how awesome people are. Everyone has been so nice, telling me to call if I need to talk or inviting me over so I'm not alone. Even people I haven't known very long. Even when life sucks, it is still the best.

Lyric of the moment: "So, let go, jump in. Oh well, what you waiting for? It's all right 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown. So, let go, just get in. Oh, it's so amazing here. It's all right 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown..."

Some other beginning's end

Sometimes the universe sends you signs. Sometimes it practically beats you over the head with them. Repeatedly. Seriously, it was getting a little ridiculous. I had some hard decisions to make that I had been putting off for too long.

I feel awful and it sucks but I had to follow my heart on this one.

So Jeremy and I are breaking up.

Fuck. I feel sad just typing that. Even a four mile trail race in the snow didn't make me feel any better. It's going to take a lot more miles and a lot more songs to get past this.

But onward I will go.

Lyric of the moment: "I'm so glad I've found this, I'm so glad I did. People are fragile things, you should know by now. Be careful what you put them through..."

All I really want is a solemate

I am now officially registered for the Cleveland Marathon on May 15th. I made the hotel reservation and everything. There's no going back now. I am really going to do this thing.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I'm so nervous I got butterflies in my stomach just registering. I'll just have to take it day by day, mile by mile.

I'm kind of bummed because it seems like most people in the distance training program are training for a half marathon and there aren't as many who want to do a full marathon. I was hoping I could find someone else to run with in Cleveland. I would love to have a solemate if you will, someone who is around the same speed as I am (that speed being slow) and who wants to run with me. I don't know if I can do 26.2 on my own. It would definitely be nice to have some company during the race.

A few days ago I watched the movie Timer on Netflix. The movie revolves around a company that can install timers on people's wrists that count down until the exact moment they meet their soulmates. It's an interesting premise, but I didn't like the ending at all. I don't know how I feel about the whole soulmate thing. I like the idea of having a partner for life, but I also think there are multiple people we could be happy with, not just one. It would be terribly sad if there's only one person for you and you never met him/her. And I don't like the idea that we're all just waiting around for someone to "complete" us. I've never felt incomplete. Last time I checked I am already a whole person. Who knows? I certainly don't have any answers.

Mostly I just want to survive Cleveland. I'll worry about the rest later.

Lyric of the moment: "What do I do this for? Got to get out some more. Go down to the grocery store. Meet someone I'll adore. Someone who'll make me laugh, someone to be my better half. Keep me warm under the sack, share with me my midnight snack..." (Because the midnight snack part is my favorite. All I really want is someone to eat late night dessert with. Or someone with whom to eat late night dessert, if you are the grammar police.)

Up in the gym, working on my fitness

I joined a new gym, but my old gym membership lasts until the end of January, so technically I now have two gyms. It feels kind of wrong, like I am cheating on one by going to the other. When I called to cancel my old gym membership, it was almost like a breakup. I have never broken up with anyone and I can't imagine trying. Breaking up with the gym was hard enough. They kept asking why I was leaving and what they could do to get me to come back. I didn't know what to say. It's not you, it's me? The thing is I really liked my old gym. I've been a member there for over 3 years, it was comfortable, I knew where everything was, the people there were mostly normal, sometimes hilarious (someone told me they saw two people making out in the free weights section once, like full on, get-a-room making out. You know, because the gym is so romantic.) But the new gym is closer to home and work, so it's really just a matter of convenience.

This morning I thought about going to the old gym one more time. (See, I would be terrible at breakups.) But I didn't. I don't want to go back, I only want to go forward. I went to the new gym and talked myself into doing weight machines even though I had to walk around all awkwardly until I figured out where everything was. A woman in the locker room was putting on lipstick before her workout, and another woman was wearing hot pants, a tank top and pink lace bra. Oh man, if this is the kind of place where you put on makeup and lacy undergarments just to get on a treadmill, it is way out of my league.

I'm still uncertain about new gym, but it's growing on me. They do have more magazines, nicer equipment. And smoothies. I think they had me at smoothies.

Lyric of the moment: "I still only travel by foot and by foot, it's a slow climb. But I'm good at being uncomfortable, so I can't stop changing all the time.."

Going all in

New resolution: work hard, play hard. I think I've always had the work hard thing down, but I could use a little more play. More accepting invitations, trying new things, living it up. Last night I was up late (well I was up until 12:30am, which is late for me), then this morning I ran 8 miles in the snow with running group. Distance training starts next week and I am getting kind of nervous about this marathon thing. Twenty six point two miles is a long freaking way. I'm not sure if I can do it, but I guess I'll never know until I try. I just have to take it one day at a time and hopefully everything will work out. I think it will help to focus on relaxing, having fun and going with the flow. Go big or go home, right? In running and in life, I am going all in.

Lyric of the moment: "I wanna celebrate and live my life..."

Full blown scone

I made scones! Ok, it was a mix and all I did was add water and bake. But it still counts. I don't really know what a scone is, but it tastes delicious.

Sometimes it's the small things that can make your day. A sunset, a tasty treat, a shared laugh, an unexpected adventure. I want to remember all those perfect happy moments. It occurs to me that too often I get stuck in the rut of the weekday routine, just wishing all my weekdays away so I can get to the weekend. But why would I want to wish away or hurry along five sevenths of my life? I love waking up on a Saturday morning knowing that anything can happen and the day is mine to do with what I choose. But technically all my days are mine to do with what I choose. I want to find ways to inject more fun and spontaneity, more relaxation and wonder into all my days.

I am still figuring out how to do this. But I think eating some scones is a good start.

Lyric of the moment: "Every waking moment I'm alive. I'm searching for you. Whether I know it or not. Or whether I realize..."

New Year's Day 7.5 mile race

50 degrees in January. Sweet!

I didn't think so at the time (so. many. hills), but in retrospect the New Year's 7.5 mile race at Mendon Ponds was a nice way to kick off 2011. I finished in 58:15 (92nd out of 367), which is about a minute and 15 seconds faster than my time when I ran this course at the Summerfest race in September. Let's hope this is an indication of faster times to come.

For part of the race, I was running with a guy wearing a "Michael Scott’s Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race For The Cure" t-shirt. Hilarious! I also ran a couple miles each with 2 other guys. All 3 dudes ended up finishing before me, but came up to me afterwards to say it was nice running with me. I love how most runners are so friendly and encouraging even though you've never met before.

Photo from http://www.grtconline.org/

Photo from http://www.grtconline.org/

I usually don't make New Year's resolutions because I don't think you have to wait until the first of the year to make changes in your life. But if there's one thing I want to do this year, it is run a full marathon. Distance training starts up again in a few weeks and I'm hoping to do the full marathon program this time. We'll see what happens but I've been dying to run a marathon so I can get one of those 26.2 bumper stickers. Yeah, I am super cool like that.

Lyric of the moment: "You and me together, could do anything baby. You and me together, yes, yes..."