We were at a wedding, that honestly I was a little anxious to attend. I mean, weddings are this wonderful mix of love and cake and dancing and optimism. And especially this one, which couldn't be happening to two nicer people. It's just that I knew I would see a lot of people from the running community that I hadn't seen in a while (because I haven't done any races in over a year) and I didn't really want to have those what are you running? conversations (because I don't really feel like I belong in those conversations). Sure, I run. It's my favorite thing to do. I have been running for 24 years. But I still don't really feel like I would describe myself as a runner. I think of myself more like a traveler or an explorer or a hugger. Most of the talk in running circles is about how far or fast you ran or how far or fast you want to run or how to run farther and faster. There are a lot of super talented runners doing and writing about all of that. I am not and never will be one of them. My writing about running is more like I was running here and I pet a dog/ate delicious snacks/was having the most random and hilarious conversations/felt a lot of feelings and cried. For me, running has never been about distance or pace. It has been about experience and connection. Connection to others but mostly connection to my body and to my best self.
Thinking back, this was the thing about running (and life) I always felt but couldn't articulate. I just don't care about competition, about measuring and comparing things. Humans do this with practically everything and I don't understand it. My ideal civilization is socialist as fuck. My ideal race is one where a bunch of people get together and run through the woods, crossing the finish line hand in hand and then eating a bunch of food not made from animals. I guess that's not really a race so much as like a big outdoor family reunion or something. Anyway, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with competition. I'm fully aware that I'm the weird one. I think other people know this about me too. My college cross country coach took me aside one day and told me I didn't have to come to practice that week, that I could run whatever I wanted to run. That was my favorite week of the entirety of my college experience. After my sophomore year, when I lost too much weight and couldn't be on the team anymore, I wasn't even sad about it. I actually felt kind of relieved. I liked my teammates and I loved running at practice but I hated the pressure of having to try and score points during races. It ruined running for me. Of course, I was supposed to stop running, per the doctor's orders. But I didn't stop. Because I'm ridiculously stubborn and I hate being told what to do. But mostly because at that point in my life, running was the only thing that actually made me want to be alive. So if I gave that up there would be nothing stopping me from disappearing completely. Running was the thing that made me feel most like myself. The good and the bad, the feelings and the flaws, the long limbs and awkwardness. I could be all the things I am when I was running and there was space for all of them. This jumble of restlessness and ridiculousness in human form suddenly made sense when unleashed on a road or trail. I didn't know all these things at the time. Or I did know them somewhere deep down at the true core of me, but I couldn't have explained it to anyone back then. I'm only finding the words to say it now. I started eating again because I wanted to keep running, to keep exploring the world and what it means to be alive. The older I got, the more space I took up, first physically, but then mentally and emotionally too. I was expanding in all directions. I still am. It is exhilarating and slightly terrifying and I don't know how I ever lived any other way. This process, and the people I have met along the way, are the most sacred things to me. There is no way to measure that. There is no GPS data that can quantify this opening of my mind, this connection to my body, this expansive, limitless feeling in my heart.
But I feel like people don't want to talk about that. It's ok. That's why I'm putting it here. Because it's now too big to keep inside and I have to put it somewhere. And it's true and important for me whether or not anyone else reads it or cares. The funniest thing happened though, at that wedding I was nervous to go to. It was a lovely and heartwarming event, of course. The food was off the charts good. Pete and I danced a ton. Sheila and I sang Lizzo's Truth Hurts to each other outside the barn and then danced and sang when the band inside played it. Several people made comments about me being a good dancer and how awesome it was to see Pete and I dancing. Which was so funny because, in all objectivity, I am NOT a good dancer. Like at all. I am more like Elaine doing the little kicks in that Seinfeld episode. But here's the thing. You don't have to be a good dancer to dance at a party. It's not Dancing With The Stars. All you have to do is move your body and not care what people think about how you move your body. And Friends, I felt fantastic that night. I had my velvet dress and my gold oxfords on and I was full of happiness and vegan cupcakes. I think that is what people must have noticed. That I looked like someone who was having a good time, someone full of joy at having a body and being alive. Because I was having a good time. At a fun party with wonderful people. But also just being myself. My imperfect, weird self. I used to feel bad about the ways I wasn't like other people, like there was something irreparably wrong with me. Now I feel like those are all the things that make me who I am. And who I am is pretty awesome. Not in a way that's faster or smarter or better in any way than anyone else. Believe me, I am very ordinary. Just in a way that's like I'm a unique bundle of atoms and adventure such as has never before existed. And so are you. So are we all. And how terrific is that?! We're not all the same. That's the best part of life. That we're all different, we're all strange in our own ways. You don't have to conform to what everyone else does or thinks or feels or is. You can turn and face your own strange. And see how epic that can be.
I don't know if or when I will run another race. There are definitely places I'd love to run and things I'd love to be able to do. But if I don't end up ever doing them, I'm ok with that too. After 38 years of aliveness, this is the best I've ever felt in my body. My body awareness and posture is the best it's ever been. I am the most unapologetically me I have ever been. It's like I had to learn how to move all over again, in the ways that I was meant to move, after having worked to unlearn all the crap that tried to keep me small, quiet, compliant. I'm still learning and hopefully always will be. I would love to be able to run for the rest of my life. But to do that, I need to run in a way that builds me up, not breaks me down. So that means a lot of rest and food and sleep. It means listening to my own body and not all the other noise out there. It means being grateful for what it can do, not lamenting what it cannot. Still, even if I go into a race without expectations, other people still sometimes put their expectations onto me. I don't think most people are consciously aware of doing this and I know what we project onto others is usually more about us, but I'm still working out how to graciously decline to meet others' expectations. "No thanks, don't put that crap on me" seems kinda rude.
There is a thing people often say at weddings, about how the other person is their rock. I find it really sweet. But honestly I don't think of anyone else as my rock (though I do think of Dwayne Johnson as The Rock). Pete is my life, adventure and dance partner. My friends are some of the most supportive, brilliant, inspiring, wonderful people alive. I feel like my mom loves me more than is humanly possible to love someone. But I am my rock. There is this force within me, this relentless, ridiculous curiosity and compassion, that is stronger than all the doubts and fears and judgments combined. And when I'm not denying or hiding from that inner force, I am an unstoppable dancing weirdo.
Lyric of the moment: "These children that you spit on as they try to change their worlds, are immune to your consultations. They're quite aware of what they're going through..." ~David Bowie "Changes"
From Robot With Love
Friday, November 8, 2019
Transylvania
We had the best time in Transylvania (Romania) in July but I decided I wasn't going to write about it. It's weird: I don't want to feel obligated to write about everything I do. At the same time, I do like having a record of the things I saw and felt and did. Mostly, I have been feeling a lot of guilt that I live a life where I get to vacation and travel while other people live much harder lives and the planet is dying. I don't know what the answer is. I don't want to give up travel, because I really like flying and seeing new places and especially meeting new people. But I also realize I am part of the problem.
So here is a little recap while I try to figure out my angst. The week of July 4th, Pete and I took an overnight flight out of Toronto to Europe. We scored these business class seats that weren't very expensive for some reason. It was mad luxurious. Flight attendants kept giving us drinks and warm towels and tiny soft pretzels (it was a German airline). The seats fully reclined and were so comfortable that I could actually sleep. In my opinion, this is how all air travel should be for everyone. We only had economy plus seats on the flight home and that was far less fancy. I feel like such an ass typing that. Being all like with all my free time and disposable income, I did not enjoy the upgraded seats as much as the seriously upgraded seats as I flew through the air to faraway lands at 500 mph like a fucking magical wizard or some shit. So yeah, I have struggled to write this in a way that doesn't make me sound like Scrooge McDuck. Apologies in advance.
We did the 8 day Transylvania Revealed small group tour through Mr. Tripp with a guide named Alex. We saw so many sites in a short amount of time, which was great, but the best part of any trip is the company and we were so lucky in that regard. Joining Pete and I were Liet, who currently lives in Qatar, and Wendy from Canada. They are the kind of women who say, do and wear what they want and I liked them right away. The tour itinerary pretty much covers all the places we went, so I'm just going to highlight some of my favorite moments and sites.
But first, some historical context. Romania has 3 historical regions: Wallachia, Moldovia and Transylvania. Transylvania is in the center of Romania, surrounded by the Carpathian Mountains (which are full of bears!). Around 82BC it was the Kingdom of Dascia, which was later conquered by the Romans, then invaded by the Visigoths, Huns, and Slavs, then conquered by the Hungarians, then united into Romania in 1918. Romania was occupied by the Soviets after WWII and was under Communist rule from 1947-1989. There was a revolution in 1989, the Communist regime fell and now Romania is democratic and a member of the European Union. When you hear Transylvania, you likely think of Dracula, thanks to the story by Bram Stoker. Some say that Vlad The Impaler was the inspiration for Dracula. Vlad Tepes AKA Vlad III Dracul (so called because his father was a member of the Order of the Dragon, the purpose of which was to defeat the Ottoman Empire) AKA Vlad The Impaler was known for impaling his enemies on stake in the ground, where they were left to die slowly, painfully and publicly. Not a good way to go.
*Bran Castle (Dracula's castle) is a popular tourist site, and well worth seeing, even though Vlad never lived there and Bram Stoker never visited Transylvania.
*Palace of Parliament in Bucharest. It's the second largest (after the Pentagon), heaviest and most expensive administration building. It has 20 floors, 8 of which are underground. Construction began in the 1980s by communist dictator Nicolae Ceaușescu, who wanted to have the hugest Palace of Parliament in the world (because size matters). But it remains unfinished because he was later overthrown and executed. Today it houses the Romanian Senate and Chamber of Deputies. Plus the show Top Gear had an episode where they raced some cars through the underground tunnels.
*Salida Turda (Turda Salt Mine). This was one of my favorite places we went. It's a salt mine that was dug during the Middle Ages and is now an amusement park 120 meters underground! The temperature in the mine is 12°C and the air is salty. It's supposed to be good for your breathing. I was just excited to ride a ferris wheel and go on a boat in an underground lake.
*Sighișoara is one of the best preserved medieval towns in Europe and a UNESCO World Heritage Site. It's the birthplace of Vlad, who would later go on to rule Wallachia and do all the murdery impaling. But don't hold that against it. Sighișoara is a beautiful fairytale-esq city with colorful buildings and cobblestone streets.
*Viscri, site of another fortified church (we saw a lot of those) and another UNESCO site. Also, Prince Charles has a house there. But my favorite part was this stray dog that was following us around because I fed him some crackers (From my stash of purse snacks. Highly recommend purse snacks. It's a good way to make friends abroad. If those friends are dogs. Which honestly are the best kind of friends). So many of my vacation photos are just pictures of cute dogs I saw/pet.
*Libearty Sanctuary. Another one of my favorite things we got to do, though it was also very sad. The sanctuary is home to 99 bears who have been rescued from circuses, zoos and captivity. They have health and mental problems so they wouldn't be able to survive back in the wild, but here they are no longer in cages and are free to roam the sanctuary land, which is bordered by electric fences. We heard so many sad stories here. Some of the bears had spine and leg problems from being forced to ride bikes in circuses and others were so used to being cooped up in cages that they would just walk in circles out of stress. The bears aren't fed by hand. Instead, the workers throw the food over the fences in different locations every day so the bears can learn to be semi-wild again.
*The cable car ride in Brasov. Alex was taking Liet and Wendy to another fortified church but I really wanted to ride the cable car up to the Brasov sign (it's like the Hollywood sign in LA) so Alex dropped Pete and I off there. Plus by this point I was a bit weary of murder castles and churches and the entirety of human history just being about killing each other. History is depressing, then you realize how little has changed and how we're still murdering and oppressing each other and it's just too heavy sometimes. I wish we'd had more time in Brasov because I really would have loved to hike the trails there. I did find a trail while running from our hotel one morning and I ran a bit there, but there are so many awesome trails in Romania I would love to go back and do a running tour there someday.
*Peles Castle. It's this ostentatious (to my taste), over the top castle built by King Carol I starting in 1873. It was the first European castle with electricity and used to be the summer house of the Romanian Royal Family. There's a lot of fancy old rich people stuff inside and a shit ton of lion statues, so if you like those things, this is the castle for you.
So those are some of the highlights but the best parts of this trip were all the conversations we had with Wendy, Liet and Alex about history, travel and life. My favorite part of travel is meeting new people and hearing about their lives. Plus talking to fellow travel lovers, especially awesome solo women travelers, is the best and always makes me even more wanderlusty. And anywhere I get to go with Pete is always a good time.
Lyric of the moment: "There's a lot of vampires out there, hanging out to grab your soul. They don't live in Transylvania. They don't live in rock 'n' roll." ~Adam Ant "Vampires"
So here is a little recap while I try to figure out my angst. The week of July 4th, Pete and I took an overnight flight out of Toronto to Europe. We scored these business class seats that weren't very expensive for some reason. It was mad luxurious. Flight attendants kept giving us drinks and warm towels and tiny soft pretzels (it was a German airline). The seats fully reclined and were so comfortable that I could actually sleep. In my opinion, this is how all air travel should be for everyone. We only had economy plus seats on the flight home and that was far less fancy. I feel like such an ass typing that. Being all like with all my free time and disposable income, I did not enjoy the upgraded seats as much as the seriously upgraded seats as I flew through the air to faraway lands at 500 mph like a fucking magical wizard or some shit. So yeah, I have struggled to write this in a way that doesn't make me sound like Scrooge McDuck. Apologies in advance.
We did the 8 day Transylvania Revealed small group tour through Mr. Tripp with a guide named Alex. We saw so many sites in a short amount of time, which was great, but the best part of any trip is the company and we were so lucky in that regard. Joining Pete and I were Liet, who currently lives in Qatar, and Wendy from Canada. They are the kind of women who say, do and wear what they want and I liked them right away. The tour itinerary pretty much covers all the places we went, so I'm just going to highlight some of my favorite moments and sites.
But first, some historical context. Romania has 3 historical regions: Wallachia, Moldovia and Transylvania. Transylvania is in the center of Romania, surrounded by the Carpathian Mountains (which are full of bears!). Around 82BC it was the Kingdom of Dascia, which was later conquered by the Romans, then invaded by the Visigoths, Huns, and Slavs, then conquered by the Hungarians, then united into Romania in 1918. Romania was occupied by the Soviets after WWII and was under Communist rule from 1947-1989. There was a revolution in 1989, the Communist regime fell and now Romania is democratic and a member of the European Union. When you hear Transylvania, you likely think of Dracula, thanks to the story by Bram Stoker. Some say that Vlad The Impaler was the inspiration for Dracula. Vlad Tepes AKA Vlad III Dracul (so called because his father was a member of the Order of the Dragon, the purpose of which was to defeat the Ottoman Empire) AKA Vlad The Impaler was known for impaling his enemies on stake in the ground, where they were left to die slowly, painfully and publicly. Not a good way to go.
 |
| Before FB you could spy on your neighbors by looking out these tiny eye-shaped windows |
*Bran Castle (Dracula's castle) is a popular tourist site, and well worth seeing, even though Vlad never lived there and Bram Stoker never visited Transylvania.
 |
| Bran Castle |
*Palace of Parliament in Bucharest. It's the second largest (after the Pentagon), heaviest and most expensive administration building. It has 20 floors, 8 of which are underground. Construction began in the 1980s by communist dictator Nicolae Ceaușescu, who wanted to have the hugest Palace of Parliament in the world (because size matters). But it remains unfinished because he was later overthrown and executed. Today it houses the Romanian Senate and Chamber of Deputies. Plus the show Top Gear had an episode where they raced some cars through the underground tunnels.
*Salida Turda (Turda Salt Mine). This was one of my favorite places we went. It's a salt mine that was dug during the Middle Ages and is now an amusement park 120 meters underground! The temperature in the mine is 12°C and the air is salty. It's supposed to be good for your breathing. I was just excited to ride a ferris wheel and go on a boat in an underground lake.
 |
| Underground amusement park! |
 |
| Being weird on a salt covered ferris wheel underground. As you do. |
 |
| We're in a boat! |
 |
| If you're not laughing at the cropping of this selfie, we can't be friends. Just kidding, but come on. It says turd behind us. |
*Sighișoara is one of the best preserved medieval towns in Europe and a UNESCO World Heritage Site. It's the birthplace of Vlad, who would later go on to rule Wallachia and do all the murdery impaling. But don't hold that against it. Sighișoara is a beautiful fairytale-esq city with colorful buildings and cobblestone streets.
 |
| That view though |
*Viscri, site of another fortified church (we saw a lot of those) and another UNESCO site. Also, Prince Charles has a house there. But my favorite part was this stray dog that was following us around because I fed him some crackers (From my stash of purse snacks. Highly recommend purse snacks. It's a good way to make friends abroad. If those friends are dogs. Which honestly are the best kind of friends). So many of my vacation photos are just pictures of cute dogs I saw/pet.
 |
| My dog friend |
 |
| That's Prince Charles' blue house in the background |
*Libearty Sanctuary. Another one of my favorite things we got to do, though it was also very sad. The sanctuary is home to 99 bears who have been rescued from circuses, zoos and captivity. They have health and mental problems so they wouldn't be able to survive back in the wild, but here they are no longer in cages and are free to roam the sanctuary land, which is bordered by electric fences. We heard so many sad stories here. Some of the bears had spine and leg problems from being forced to ride bikes in circuses and others were so used to being cooped up in cages that they would just walk in circles out of stress. The bears aren't fed by hand. Instead, the workers throw the food over the fences in different locations every day so the bears can learn to be semi-wild again.
 |
| Rescued bear |
*The cable car ride in Brasov. Alex was taking Liet and Wendy to another fortified church but I really wanted to ride the cable car up to the Brasov sign (it's like the Hollywood sign in LA) so Alex dropped Pete and I off there. Plus by this point I was a bit weary of murder castles and churches and the entirety of human history just being about killing each other. History is depressing, then you realize how little has changed and how we're still murdering and oppressing each other and it's just too heavy sometimes. I wish we'd had more time in Brasov because I really would have loved to hike the trails there. I did find a trail while running from our hotel one morning and I ran a bit there, but there are so many awesome trails in Romania I would love to go back and do a running tour there someday.
 |
| We got to go up behind that sign. It was pretty sweet. |
*Peles Castle. It's this ostentatious (to my taste), over the top castle built by King Carol I starting in 1873. It was the first European castle with electricity and used to be the summer house of the Romanian Royal Family. There's a lot of fancy old rich people stuff inside and a shit ton of lion statues, so if you like those things, this is the castle for you.
 |
| Super fancy castle |
So those are some of the highlights but the best parts of this trip were all the conversations we had with Wendy, Liet and Alex about history, travel and life. My favorite part of travel is meeting new people and hearing about their lives. Plus talking to fellow travel lovers, especially awesome solo women travelers, is the best and always makes me even more wanderlusty. And anywhere I get to go with Pete is always a good time.
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| Castle security |
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| Best travel crew |
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| Fountains in Bucharest. I stayed up late for this and it was worth it. |
Lyric of the moment: "There's a lot of vampires out there, hanging out to grab your soul. They don't live in Transylvania. They don't live in rock 'n' roll." ~Adam Ant "Vampires"
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