Things I want to say that you may not like

2020 feels like some horrific competition between covid-19, systemic racism, and capitalism to see which can cause the most death and destruction. Many are unemployed, many are working overtime in hazardous conditions, many are sick or have been killed. Whatever is happening for you right now, I am here for you. I can only speak to my own experiences and feelings, and I don't know what it's like to live your life, so please don't take anything I write here as a judgment against you. We all have different circumstances and bodies. Some of us have more resources and privileges than others, so while we may share similar feelings of panic or uncertainty or anger or sadness, our individual experiences amidst a global crisis can be vastly different. From the murder hornets to the pointless, pantsless Zoom meetings, these are bizarre times. Do what you have to do to survive. I mean, don't go all murdery, and for fuck's sake do not inject or ingest any disinfectants, but otherwise do your thing. If you're baking like you're a contestant on the Great British Bakeoff, good for you. If you're eating cereal by the boxful, good for you. Life feels especially hard right now. Everyone struggles in some ways, but for some, the weight of their struggles is crushing, having been further compounded by structural inequalities. I think most people are just doing the best they can in a scary and stressful world. But those of us who are able must show up and help eliminate the unfair burdens of others. As a nation, we fail people in so many ways. We fail to provide everyone with food, housing, healthcare, education, equal rights. We have to do better. We have to take care of each other. That is the whole fucking point of being alive. 

I've spent a lot of time thinking about the kind of person I want to be in the world and it's this: radically empathetic and radically egalitarian. I want to fight injustice in the world and the ways in which I've unknowingly perpetuated and unfairly benefited from it. I know I have a long way to go and I will never actually arrive there, but I am trying to take steps in that direction every day. I'm going to make mistakes and stumble along the way. I'm an imperfect person. It's a long and involved process to recognize privilege and let go of problematic beliefs. But it's important and worthwhile work. At 38, I'm not the same person I was at 18 or 28. I hope I won't be the same person at 58 or 88 or however long I'm lucky enough to live. My own lived experience is such a small sliver of reality. And I want to know the full spectrum of what it means to be an earthling. That's impossible of course. I can never really know what it's like to live your life. But I want to know as much as I can about how others experience the world. That means listening without judgment. That means changing my mind when confronted with new information. It also means trying to do less harm. Unfortunately, I have done and will do harm in the world with my words and thoughts and actions. It's an unavoidable part of life. Even if I have the best intentions, I can still cause harm sometimes. And let's be honest, I don't always have the best intentions at all times. I mean, I want to. But I'm human and I've done and said things I'm not proud of. There are so many ways that my white/cishet/thin/able-bodied/economic privilege has obstructed my worldview, so many things I didn't know because I was able to grow up not having to know/live them. So please call me out when I fuck up. I want to spend my life learning and changing so I can know better and do better. 

So if you're here for the George videos and vacation photos, I hope you also stay for the antiracism and feminism and LGBTQ+ rights and socialism and veganism. If you're here for the joy, I hope you also stay for the sorrow. I'm not saying you have to believe all the same things I do. That's probably not ever going to happen. But let's have those conversations. Because we can't be true friends if we only share the surface level parts of ourselves. I am here for all of it. For all of you. Bring me your hopes and fears, failures and triumphs, grief and happiness. Let's talk about everything there is. None of us can do this alone. So let's do life together. We are all flawed. But we are remarkably resilient and have an amazing capacity for change. Let's change the fucking world from the inside out. 

If you're still reading this, thanks for being here. If you don't like swears or uncomfortable conversations, I'm sorry, I am not the robot for you. 

Lyric of the moment: "I don't want to get bitter. I want us to get better. I want us to be kinder. To ourselves and to each other..." ~Lilac "Porridge Radio"