Going the awesome way

For the past 2 weeks I've felt so slow. It may be because I've had this stupid cold for what feels like forever. I'm starting to get very cranky pants about the whole thing. Germs, I've been a most gracious host, supplying you with all the Tootsie Rolls anyone could ask for, but you have far outstayed your welcome.

Last Saturday I wasn't feeling that great but I woke up and decided to run for 100 minutes. Because I wanted to and I could. And when those two things overlap, it's good times indeed. I knew that there was some way to run through Seneca Park to Charlotte Beach and I wanted to try it out. So I ran a loop from Seneca Park to Charlotte and back. Following the Genesee River Trail from Turning Point Park up to Lake Ave, there is a seemingly interminable uphill that ends up by the cemetery. As I was running up it, a woman headed down told me "You're going the hard way." I laughed and thought, No, I'm going the awesome way.

When I got to the top, I felt pretty awesome, in that look what I can do kind of way. But I imagine I did not look very awesome at all. I probably looked like I belonged in that cemetery. I started thinking about how all the beauty and fitness magazines always depict these perfectly posed, unblemished people. They're not sweaty or muddy. They don't have any bruises or laugh lines or scars. But those are all the marks of a life well lived, a life of taking risks and exploring and getting up to so many adventures. There's beauty in that too.

Lyric of the moment: "But wherever I have gone, I was sure to find myself there. You can run all your life but not go anywhere..."

Take these broken things and make them awesome

If you came home from work one day to find that your puppy had invented a new game where he

Doggy Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

pulls all the coats off their hooks and chews the buttons off your winter coat, you might think it was a bad thing. But if you were like me, and you had a super awesome mom with a box of cool, old miscellaneous buttons, your coat would now have new buttons, including a top button shaped like an elephant! And you would see that sometimes when things get broken they end up even better than before. Then you would take said coat to the dry cleaners, because normally you don't buy things that are dry-clean-only or you cheat and throw them in the washer on the hand-wash cycle, but you aren't taking any chances with your fancy new elephant button coat so you're doing it up adult-style at the dry cleaners. But then it smells all weird and chemically there so you decide this will be your one and only foray into the world of dry cleaning. Still, you will have learned that you always have a choice. You can mourn the loss of the broken things or you can make them into something far more awesome.

Lyric of the moment: "Why does time move so fast? Precious things never last. Figure out, don't forget. Only love, no regrets..." (Because it makes me think of the scene in We're the Millers where Jason Sudeikis' character says to the kid with the NO RAGRETS tattoo across his chest "You have no regrets? Like, not even a single letter?" I laugh so hard whenever I think of it.)

Prime of my life

I happen to be lucky enough to know a lot of incredibly talented, amazing, inspiring runners/athletes/superhumans. And I love it. The only downside is that sometimes I feel like a slacker for not running 50Ks or cranking out 6 minute miles or giving birth to triplets in the middle of a race and still getting a PR (Which I really hope is not a thing. I'm utterly terrified even thinking about it. Though it would make for some...um...interesting?....race photos).

It's hard for me to resist the peer pressure of other people's awesomeness. All the things they do and the races they run sound so exciting and fun. And I already want to go everywhere and do everything as it is. But I still have a lot of life left (hopefully). So I can afford to relax, take it one day at a time and be happy with whatever happens. I only get this one body (as far as I know). I have to take really good care of it so I can live long enough to go on all the adventures.

I'm falling into the impending-birthday funk again. Not because I'm getting older. I want to be one of those hilariously sassy and self-possessed old ladies when I grow up. But because birthdays always make me feel like I am the worst ever and have wasted another year doing absolutely nothing. I'll be the first to admit it's crazy and irrational. I had a lot of adventures in my 31st year.* I ran, I laughed, I loved, I met new people, I bought my house a new porch for its 113th birthday, I went to Egypt (by myself!) and Cape Cod, I adopted the biggest-headed, most adorably clumsy puppy, I water skied (for 10 seconds. In a bikini. And no one looked away in horror or turned to stone) and I set a personal record for most pumpkin bars eaten at one sitting (It's now up to 4. If there was a dessert version of Man Vs. Food, I would totally rock it. But then I'd have to run 50 miles to burn off all the sugar so I didn't become insufferably hyper). A lot of happy and funny and good things happened while I was being 31. And if my friend Pete is right about even numbered birthdays being better, then I have a lot to look forward to in year 32. So I need to get out of this funk and get on my way to becoming that hilariously sassy old lady.

Lyric of the moment: "But hold me fast, 'cause I'm a hopeless wanderer..."

*If you were being punny, you could say that at 31 I'm in the prime of my life.

It was an experience

I've found that it helps not to think of things as either good or bad but to consider everything to be an experience. And that the more I can embrace those experiences, the more adventurous and full my life will be.

Recent experiences:

*Painting and staining the front porch. It took 2 coats of paint, 2 coats of stain and 4 days of work, but I'm happy with the way it came out. I'm also happy that I've almost run out of things to paint in my house. If I never have to hold another paintbrush, it'll be too soon. But I'm happiest that Mike was there to help me. I'd gotten used to doing everything myself, but it feels good to be part of a team. And to have someone to laugh with as the radio kept playing that terrible song about banging like gorillas.

*My boss likes us to get flu shots so I've had one every year for the past 9 years, but for some reason this year I had a bad reaction to it. I was all tired and achy and got all these red, itchy bumps all over my arms, legs, back and stomach. I think I would have rather taken my chances with the flu. But it was, as they say, an experience. Though one I hope to avoid repeating.

*Yesterday I made a yoga sandwich with running bread. I ran 6 miles on the road in the morning, did my Yoga For Runners DVD, then ran the TrailsRoc Ready, Set, Glow race at night (5ish miles of trails! In the dark! With glow sticks!) My only goals were not to hurt myself and not to get lost, and I failed on both accounts. But it was fun, despite the fact that I kept twisting my ankles. My left ankle was pretty swollen when I got home, but I iced, Ibuprofen-ed and Pain Terminator-ed it, and today it is a little tender still but otherwise ok. I'm far too heavy and uncoordinated to be a trail runner, but I'm trying not to let that stop me. And it did get me to use the weight room at the gym today for the first time in...forever (I'm usually too intimidated to venture in there because I have no muscles). So that's a silver lining.

Lyric of the moment: "Like a sprained ankle, boy I ain't nothing to play with..."

A good runner has no fixed pace and is not intent on finishing

One of my favorite quotes from the Tao Te Ching is “A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.” I'm hoping to translate that to running, as in a good runner has no fixed pace and is not intent on finishing. I want to run for the pure enjoyment of it and not be defined by speed or distance. But I have a hard time relinquishing my love of results. I like working hard. I also like seeing that hard work pay off. I want to be better today than I was yesterday. At everything. Even if it is only infinitesimally better, I want to be continually improving. Which is unrealistic. And exhausting.

I don't want to lose that drive to find my limits and push past them. But I have a tendency to make myself crazy over my perceived, and often times invented, inadequacies. So I need to let go of all that junk.

I have a hard time with detachment because it can veer towards apathy. And I don't want to be apathetic. I want to be enthusiastic and excited and loving the crap out of everything. But to do so without expectation or attachment to any particular outcome.

Sometimes it seems a little impossible. I'm confusing myself even thinking about it. Though I think all my ankle problems last year may have helped in a way (Oh god I can't even believe I just said that. Dear Universe: this is in no way an invitation for any more injuries. I would however be delighted to accept more miles and more peanut M&Ms. Or pretzel M&Ms. I'm not picky.) This year I've been happy just to run without pain. Or with pain, but the kind that's only slightly uncomfortable, not the kind that's like you-need-to-stop-now-things-are-seriously-FUBAR-up-in-here.

I also think trail running is helping because I don't care that I'm slow, I just focus on staying upright. And trying to keep up with the group so I don't get lost in the woods.

I don't know if the answer is long slow distance or only doing races "for fun." Or maybe there is no answer, it's just something I will figure out along the run.

Lyric of the moment: "After all it was a great big world, with lots of places to run to..." Word.

The Dudeness

The books I've read lately have been seriously bumming me out. Some were novels and some were memoirs but there was a lot of lying and cheating and divorce and faking deaths and framing spouses for murder. I tried to like the people, but they kept doing all these terrible things to each other and it was very disheartening.

Then the library let me borrow The Dude and The Zen Master by Jeff Bridges and Bernie Glassman, which is more my speed. And is also making me want to watch The Big Lebowski again. I liked the part where they talked about The Dude as Lamed-Vavnik, a concept from Jewish mysticism. According to Bernie Glassman: "Lamed-Vavnik means 36. It means there's 36 of these people, people who are maybe like Lebowski, like "the Dude." There are 36 of these folks at any one time, and they don't know that they are anything special. They are just doing their thing, and they are just doing plain righteous acts. Because of the acts of these 36 folks, according to Jewish mysticism, God does not destroy the earth. And they don't know who they are. They're kind of like "the Dude," they just go around doing their thing."

I don't know what is so significant about the number 36. What happens when one of the 36 dies? Is a new Lamed-Vavnik born at that same moment? What if there were only 36? Would God destroy the earth? What if there were 37? Would it rain donuts?

It's a neat idea though, this concept of people who live simply, humbly and with kindness, unaware of the total awesomeness in that. But why stop at 36? I'd like to think there is a Lamed-Vavnik inside everyone, that every person has the potential for righteous awesomeness. Maybe sometimes it gets obscured by whatever suffering is weighing them down at the moment - insecurities, fears, troubles - all the stuff that makes them act less than awesomely at times. But I'd like to think it's always in there somewhere, that capacity for kindness and Dudeness.

Bowl on, my friends.

Lyric of the moment: "And I got a peaceful easy feeling. And I know you won't let me down. 'Cause I'm already standing on the ground..."

MVP Rochester Half Marathon

Well somehow I pulled a 1:48 half marathon out of my ass even though I was cramping hardcore for

the last 4 miles. I have to figure out why that keeps happening and how to fix it. I'm not sure if it's a nutrition thing (that has always been my Achilles heel) or if my muscles are too tight from not stretching enough. The good news, if you can call it that, is that I've gotten pretty good at running through pain. I wasn't annoyed or upset or disappointed. I didn't feel any negative emotions at all. I was just like oh hey, this is happening, let's keep going.

For the first 9-10 miles I was cranking out 8:00 minute miles and it felt pretty good. I thought I was doing a halfway decent job of drinking out of paper cups at the water stops, in that more water was going in my mouth than on my shirt, but it might not have been enough. I've had a headache since I stopped running so maybe I was a little dehydrated? I think maybe I'm better when I carry my own water. Salt tabs and yoga/stretching would probably also be a good idea.

I'd really love to get faster and stronger but I'm at least getting more running Zen, which isn't bad I suppose.

I was a little disappointed that nothing particularly weird or funny happened. Those are always my favorite parts of races. Though I did inadvertently swear at an aid station volunteer. Sorry, dude. He was holding out a cup and I asked "water?," he replied "Gatorade" and I was like "shit" (he was the last guy in line and I had already passed all the water). Oops. Towards the end of the race, a spectator yelled "Looking good!" as I ran by, most certainly not looking good. Which made me laugh a little.

But my stomach was so cramped up it hurt to laugh. It's weird though. Even when things don't go right, even when it hurts, I freaking love this running shit.

Lyric of the moment: "Feeling my way through the darkness, guided by a beating heart. I can't tell where the journey will end but I know where to start..."

Breathe in for luck

I did a stupid thing. I signed up for the Rochester half marathon tomorrow. And now I'm kind of freaking out about it. I'm pretty sure it's not going to be pretty. I exercise every day but I've only been running 3 days a week and I wouldn't call it "training" by any means. So this race should be interesting.

Half of me thought it would be fun but the other half was afraid I wouldn't do well and I'd be disappointed. But I don't want to make decisions based on fear. So it's time to get back in this racing thing. I don't have much confidence in my running ability right now but whatever happens tomorrow - be it good, bad or ugly - I'm going to enjoy it. Because any day I'm running and healthy is a good day. And I'd rather be running slowly than sitting on the couch. Of course in an ideal world I'd be running fast then sitting on the couch. Eating pumpkin bars.

But let's be honest, whatever happens tomorrow, there are going to be pumpkin bars.

Lyric of the moment: "And the only way to last. And the only way to live it. Is to hold on when you get love. And let go when you give it..."

The Tao of Mozzie

Mozzie "does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” So what if it takes you 5 minutes to lazily lift yourself onto the couch? Are you on the couch or what? Mission accomplished. Plus if you take long enough and look cute enough, you can get the humans to do the heavy lifting for you.  

"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” A 56 pound lap dog. Laps aren't just for frou-frou teacup Yorkies. Get up in there! 

“If you try to change it, you will ruin it. Try to hold it, and you will lose it.” Eat it and it will be delicious.

“Stop leaving and you will arrive. Stop searching and you will see. Stop running away" and run into. Jen. All the time. Why be a runner when you could be a linebacker? Why run if you're not going to end up on the ground?

"Bearing and nurturing, creating but not owning, giving without demanding, controlling without authority, this is love.” Snuggling up to the humans and taking all their couch space, licking their ears until they giggle and say "No Mozzie, no wet willies," trying to eat Jen's new custom orthotics (and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling humans!), this is love. 

“A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.” He just wants to hang his head out the window and enjoy the breeze.   

“To hold, you must first open your hand. Let go” That was a joke. I don't have hands.

"If you want to govern the people, you must place yourself below them. if you want to lead the people, you must learn how to follow them.” Because they are the ones who can open the treat cabinet.  

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” You can be your giant-headed, drool-y, messy self and your people will think you are the most adorable, best dog in the world.

“There is a time to live and a time to die but never to reject the moment” snack.

“If you want to know me, look inside your heart.” I will slobber all over everything and love you forever.

Lyric of the moment: "Greatest case of puppy lovin' you ever saw. It's called a dog's life. What a life. That's good enough for me..."

     

The Cape

Mike and I spent Labor Day weekend in Cape Cod, visiting TJ in Boston on the way there and back, walking around Provincetown and Hyannis, whale (and people) watching, reading and eating ice cream twice a day (Labor Day is the last hurrah of summer, you need a lot of ice cream). I was a little sad that it was too cold to go to the beach, but we had a great time anyway.

Two Jennifers. Or two sharks?

While we were there, I went on a long run (10-11ish miles) and a shorter 3ish miler. During the latter run, a man walking by shouted "A new course record!" as I passed (I wish!) and some dude on a bike, riding with no hands, slow clapped and yelled "Yeah! This time of the morning!" to me as he rode past. I love the weird things people say to runners.

Please do not touch Jennifer.

Whale!

 I think Provincetown was my favorite part of the Cape. It's beautiful and eccentric and full of dessert shops, what's not to love? Plus there was a lot of opportunity to take ridiculous pictures. I had to pose with this shark, who apparently is also named Jennifer. The sign next to it read "Please do not touch Jennifer. Thank you!"

I'm going to miss summer, but I'm sure I can find lots of new adventures to fall into.

Mike's ready to go to Lobster Town.

Blondie's tops all their ice cream cones with
animal crackers. Love it!

Lyric of the moment: "Kiss me hard before you go, summertime sadness. I just wanted you to know that baby, you're the best..."