Yesterday was the 50th anniversary of Sylvia Plath sticking her head in the oven and offing herself. I wish it didn't have to be that way for anyone, that everyone had someone to turn to, confide in, to hold their hand in the dark times, that everyone felt accepted and supported and loved. If I could become better at one thing, it would be this. To be a more supportive, encouraging, compassionate person. To love better and more openly and without expectation.
When someone is upset, I always wish I knew the right thing to say or do to make him/her feel better. But maybe it's more important to be available and present for the person than to say or do any specific thing.
I'm trying to let go of pride and ego, to not take things personally and to focus on listening and understanding instead of judging or interrupting.
I could definitely be described as an introvert. I'm shy and awkward and I need a certain amout of solitude. I'm never going to be the life of the party. I prefer smaller, more intimate gatherings to big, loud parties. I'm not well known, nor would I wish to be. But I really love people and hearing about all their stories and thoughts and laughs.
I don't know where my life is going, but I want to be a more patient and understanding human when I get there. I feel an upcoming longing for community. I don't know whether that means a house full of friends and pets or a husband or some other combination. I want to enjoy living by myself for a little bit, but I hope someday I get to live in a house full of people and life and love. And an oven that is only used for making cookies.
Lyric of the moment: "Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart. Like why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard? It's not always easy, and sometimes life can be deceiving. I'll tell you one thing, its always better when we're together..."
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