On change. And adding more awesomeness to your life

There are two things about life that are guaranteed:
1. It will change.
2. It will end.

That's what makes life so amazing. If you don't like something, you can change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude about it and just wait, it will change eventually. Your time here is finite, so make the most of it. Get busy living it up and making it awesome.

But sometimes awesomeness is hard, man. Making positive changes can be difficult. Breaking bad habits and forming good ones can be a struggle. Totally worthwhile and rewarding? Yes definitely. But, easy or effortless? Hells no. But you can do it. I know you can. Look at you over there, blurring the line between impossible and possible every day. You know that the hard things are the most worth doing. (High fives to those of you who just thought "That's what she said.")

There are many ways to successfully change your habits or achieve your goals. Experiment. Find what works best for you. If you fail, congratulations and welcome to the club. Everybody who has ever succeeded in anything has failed at some point along the way. No worries. Learn from it and try something else. Try again. And again. Try everything until something works.

I only have 33 years of failures and successes behind me so I'm still figuring this stuff out myself. A couple of weeks ago I was making pasta by myself in my house and, standing by the stove watching the water start to boil, I had the realization: I don't think I've ever done this before. I am 33 and I have never made pasta by myself. I'm not talking homemade pasta from scratch. I mean like boil water, insert pasta from box, cook, taste, strain, eat. Sometimes it astounds me that I am still alive somehow.

All this to say, I'm no expert on anything so take this with a grain of salt. A lot of grains, actually. Better make it a whole salt shaker to be safe. But culinary ineptitude notwithstanding, I have managed to build a life that, while not for everyone, jives with my own ideas of awesomeness. And these are some of the things that work for me.

• Find your intrinsic motivation. It's so much easier to make a change or do something because YOU want to do it, not because someone else wants you to. Don't change because you think you should or because someone else expects you to. Do it for your own reasons, the more personal the better. Do it because it will make you happier and healthier and better able to enjoy this one crazy life you've been given.

• Find a way to enjoy the process. If you want to exercise more, find an exercise you thoroughly enjoy. If you want to eat healthier, find whole foods that taste good to you. If you want to quit a bad habit, replace it with a good habit that you enjoy even more. It's not willpower or superhuman self-discipline that makes me run consistently and happily. I run because I genuinely love it. This was not always the case. Sometimes love grows slowly. So be patient. Give the process a chance.

• Find your people. The secret to everything is people. There, now the secret is out. You're welcome. I accept tips in the form of nut butters and chocolate milk. Kidding! It's not really a secret. Inherently, everyone knows this. But I think sometimes we forget and we assume we have to do everything alone. Well, I'm here to tell you that you don't. Most things are much better with company. Especially supportive, encouraging, inspiring company.

• Be flexible. Success doesn't happen overnight. It takes time and effort. It's not about perfection. It's about adaptability and persistence. It's falling down and getting back up again. It's failing and trying again. It's making room in your life for both spinach and cookies. Though ideally more of the former than the latter.

• Have a sense of humor. About yourself and your life. I know I say this all the time and that's because it makes all the difference. In everything. Don't cry over spilt milk. Laugh over it. And then obviously clean it up before it gets that stinky milk smell all over everything.

Maybe some of these words will be helpful to you. Or not. Maybe you think it's terrible advice. That's ok too. All roads lead to Awesometown. But we all have to find our own path. I'd love to hear about your journey there.

Lyric of the moment: "I wanna live life, never be cruel. I wanna live life, be good to you. I wanna fly and never come down. And live my life. And have friends around..." Coldplay "We Never Change"

All the exciting things are happening!

This is the time of year when I get that crazy let's-go-everywhere-and-do-everything fever. The sun stays out from 5am-9pm. The weather is perfect for running. And the call of adventure is impossible to resist. This year I am especially stoked because all the exciting things are happening!

In a little over a week we'll be heading to Oregon for runcation! Strangely, I am 100% excited and not at all nervous. Ok, maybe 0.55% nervous. I just want to feel good and run well so I'm not holding Pete back or anything. But mostly I'm just excited. Because we get to run 42 miles in 3 days and stay at cabins (with beds! and a real bathroom!) and explore the Rogue River and maybe see a bear!

Then when we return, I will finally realize my dream of living life à la Golden Girls. Or what Golden Girls would be if no one was a senior citizen and two of the roommates were dogs. So even better. My point being, Danielle and Charlie are moving in with me and Mozzie and we are going to have some crazy adventures I'm sure. Commencing phase one of trail commune!

And then...running, more running, The Avett Brothers concert, camping, exploring, living the dream. I'm on the waitlist for FingerLakes 50K, so I'm just going to train as if I'll get in. If I don't run that race, I'll run another. Plenty of fish in the sea. Or races in the trail. Or whatever. I'm planning on running a shitload of miles anyway because there's now a neon sign in my brain that won't stop blinking Mind The Ducks. So I'm going to see if I can get in good enough shape to attempt that insanity next year. Phase one, Get On Board The Nutrition Train, has begun. Cookie consumption is way down and spinach consumption is way up. Phase two, Talk About MTD Incessantly Until Others Get Annoyed Agree To Join You, is coming soon. My only hesitation is that the race is on a paved path and I don't know if my body can handle that for 12 hours. But maybe I'll try those Hoka shoes or look for a similar race on trails or a softer path. Who knows? Anything can happen. And that's the way I like it.

Lyric of the moment: "I cannot live, I can't breathe unless you do this with me. Hey, oh, here I am (do this with me), and here we go, life's waiting to begin (do this with me)..." ~Angels and Airwaves "The Adventure" (Phase two begins subtly).

Things you won't regret

I've noticed there are some things that I never regret doing: eating salad, getting rid of things, wearing pajama tops as shirts. It was not my first instinct to reach for salad when hungry or be ruthless in eliminating things from my house or shop for clothes in the pajama section. But over time I've learned that I always feel better after eating salad (Think about it. "Man, I really shouldn't have eaten all those vegetables" or "Duuude, I partied way too hard on the salad last night" said no one, ever). I've come to realize that I never miss the things I've let go of. I've found that all my softest, most comfortable, and hence most worn, T-shirts came from the pajama section of Target (I've also found that sometimes regular shirts look cute but are mostly just itchy and that trying to find a button up shirt that is not too tight on your boobs or too baggy everywhere else is an exercise in futility. Just give up that fight. Pajama shirts for the win. Seriously, no one will ever know. Unless you write about it on the Internet. Oops. No matter, you can wear that shirt to work and also to bed later. And simplifying your life + being able to go to sleep at any time = winning at adulthood.)

So logically I should remember all this and do more of these things. But I'm not an elephant and sometimes I forget. So this is my reminder.

Dear self, things you won't regret, ever:

• Salad. Eat it, feel good, repeat.

• Getting rid of things. You won't miss them. And getting rid of things you don't need or want frees up space and time for all the important things in life. Like people. And shirts that double as pajamas. Which brings me to my next point:

• Shirts that are also pajamas. Note: just shirts. Pajama bottoms are too obvious. (I got rid of all my pajama bottoms. Except for the ones with hippos on them of course. I mean, what's hipper than hippo pants?)

I bet if you think about it, you can come up with your own "no regrets" list. Things that might not be instinctive but that always make you feel better and happier and more comfortable. Do them and awesomeness will ensue!

Lyric of the moment: "These are the days we've been waiting for. On days like these who could ask for more. Keep them coming 'cause we're not done yet. These are the days we won't regret. These are the days we won't forget..." ~Avicii "These Are The Days"

Medved Madness 2015

Last year when I signed up for Medved Madness, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. This year I did. And for some reason I signed up anyway. Just kidding. I think Madness is a misnomer. I really love this race. It's a beautiful 15ish mile tour of Mendon Ponds Park (the course even goes through the pond at the end of the first loop) and you get an awesome The North Face T-shirt (Double score because this years' shirt was blue! I was thrilled to get a women's tech shirt that wasn't pink or purple. There's nothing wrong with pink and purple, I just don't like it when they are the only option for people with ovaries). The only downside to this race is that it's always on a Sunday and I prefer Saturday races. Still, there are far worse ways to spend a Sunday morning, like ways that don't include Italian Ice.

Sunday's weather was amazing: sunny and in the high 60s. Way nicer than last year. This race would be my longest run thus far in 2015 so I was intending to take it easy. So when I came upon Alison and Bob during the first loop, I thought oops! There's no way I should be up here. I'm going to pay for this later. But I figured it would be good training to try and stay with them for as long as I could, tire myself out and then somehow convince myself to keep going until the finish. So that's what I did. For some reason I kept thinking about "full ocean breaths," which is something yoga teachers say that I don't understand. I don't know how to breathe like an ocean. But it does help when I remind myself to take deeper breaths and relax.

Photo by Ron Heerkens Jr

Most of this race is kind of a blur. I remember some gorgeous dry trails and some nice downhills, with a couple of shoe-sucking muddy spots and some fields. I walked some of the uphills and cruised on the downhills. At one point Alison and I almost missed a turn, but luckily Dennis was behind us and yelled "left!" so we went the right way. The course was well marked, I'm just usually paying more attention to the ground immediately in front of me than to the trail markers. The first two 5ish mile loops seemed to go by pretty quickly, but the last loop went on For.Ev.Er. During one stretch of the last loop, we passed runners from a 5K race going in the other direction. Their race bibs said something about stethoscopes. Bob said "Oh, sturgeons and stethoscopes, must be a fishing race!" and I was so tired it took me a minute to get the joke.

I was thrilled to finally see Cardiac Hill, because I knew once I got up it I'd be almost done. It was a slow hike up the hill, but I was happy that my butt hurt only from mountain biking and not from the hill. Then it was just a short, mostly downhill run to the finish. Once I saw the finish line, my legs took off sprinting. Funny how they pretend to be so tired and then as soon as they see the Rita's Italian Ice tent, they suddenly find hidden reserves of energy. Seriously though, I was really hot by the end of this race and in that moment, the icy, sugary goodness of strawberry Italian ice was the best thing ever. Then Dan gave me a popsicle and that was awesome too.

Another great day of great fun with great people! May the madness continue!

Lyric of the moment: "Who will see the beauty in your life? And who will be there to hear you when you call? Who will see the madness in your life? And who will be there to catch you if you fall?" Fra Lippo Lippi "Beauty and Madness"

That time I survived mountain biking

Mountain biking is one of those things I said I'd never do. As a kid, it took me an embarrassingly long time to learn to ride a bike. Reading, math, tree climbing? Piece of cake. But bike riding? My brain was all, You want me to do what, now? Windows has encountered a critical problem and needs to restart. Homey don't play that. But I was nothing if not annoyingly persistent as a child, so I did eventually learn to ride without training wheels. Though not terribly well. More like just terribly.




Thanks to Eric for the pictures!

Fast forward to Thursday night's group run at Whiting Rd Park. Eric and Sheila were talking about mountain biking there on Friday night. Pete was thinking about going and I was like phew, I don't have a mountain bike. That is a perfect excuse to not get roped into joining that scary shit. But then Eric said I could ride Sheila's mountain bike since she just got a new fat bike (The term fat bike makes me think simultaneously of Queen's "Bicycle Race" and "Fat Bottomed Girls" and now I really want to hear a mash-up of those songs). Pete is a strong mountain biker and most of his stories of biking with friends include people flying over their handlebars or breaking ribs. And I've spent my life actively avoiding doing both of those things. So I was a bit apprehensive. But life is for doing, not whining. Or something. So I tried it.



I found a tree to climb. Of course.

It was actually pretty fun. I had to walk my bike up a few hills because I'm not good at turning and it's hard to get momentum on twisty trails and I would get stuck and not be able to get enough turnover to make it up the hill. But I did make it all the way up some of the hills. And most importantly, I didn't fall. I had a few very near misses. You know, those moments of sheer panic where you're like oh shit, this is rapidly turning into a terrible idea, you idiot. I don't know how you are still upright right now. Something in the universe must be looking out for you. But I survived. And all my bones remain unbroken, which is the way I like them.

At some point I will probably be coerced into doing this again. And I can only hope my streak of not dying in a horrible biking accident continues.

Lyric of the moment: "And if you hold on tight to what you think is your thing, you may find you're missing all the rest..." ~Dave Matthews Band "Best of what's around"

Adventures in "cooking"

In the past two weeks I have discovered the secret to cooking. Or to be more accurate, I should say "cooking" or "feeding oneself from things you find in your kitchen." Semantics aside, the secret is this: throw a bunch of stuff in a bowl and call it salad. Spinach, frozen veggies you have "cooked" in the microwave, beans, beets (from a can of course. who has time for doing whatever it is you do with beets before you eat them?), couscous, cheese, bow-tie pasta (because bow ties are cool), hummus, honey mustard dressing, (those peas you found in the freezer that said best if used by 06 13 and you weren't sure if that meant June 13th or June 2013 but you decided to give peas a chance anyway), whatever. Just put it in a bowl, mix it around and then eat it. Voila! Lunch. Dinner. Second dinner. No wait, second dinner can never be salad. It just can't. Cheese and crackers, yes. PB sandwich, obviously. But salad is for first meals only.

Some people are culinary masters and that's cool. To them I raise my chocolate milk in toast and say, did I mention I'm looking for a roommate? But me over here, I'm a culinary slacker. I'm just looking to get the most amount of nutrients and deliciousness into my mouth in the least amount of time. My whole random shit+bowl=salad thing takes 10 minutes or less. Which is of the utmost importance to me. Because every minute spent "cooking" is a minute I'm not doing this:

 

or this:

 

Priorities. Am I right?

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for the contents of this post. I haven't eaten sugar in 2 weeks. I'm trying to get rid of this never-ending cold and sugar depresses the immune system, so cookies and I are on a break. You guys, there are 5 sea-salt dark chocolate bars in my pantry that remain uneaten! I haven't even wanted to eat them. Inconceivable, right? It's possible that I have been replaced by a pod person.

I'm a little worried about it because sugar is my only vice and if I give that up, what is left? Clean living? What fun is that? Just kidding. I will never give it up. A life without dessert is no life I want to live. It's just that I think from now on sugar and I are going to be casual acquaintances who only see each other at parties instead of Siamese twins.

Lyric of the moment: "This is not, this is not really happening. You bet your life it is..." Tori Amos "Cornflake girl"

How to be rich

Step 1: Congratulations! You're already rich. How do I know that? It's not because of your top hat and monocle, though those are pretty sweet. It's because true wealth is not about money or material goods, it's about living a meaningful life. Check it out: If you can answer yes to one or more of the following questions, you're already living a life of abundance and prosperity and ridiculous good fortune.  

• Are you alive? Congratulations! You are a member of a very selective club. Most of its former members are now dead, but not you. Way to be alive over there. Enjoy it.

• Are you imperfect? Good for you! That's what makes you unique. Accepting your own imperfections and letting yourself learn and grow will make all the difference. In everything. Ever.

• Do you know other people? Lucky you! Meaningful relationships are the best part of life. Time spent with awesome humans and animals is time well spent. Love them and laugh with them and be ever so grateful for their presence in your life.

• Do you love something? I mean really love it. It can be a sport, a hobby, a job, anything you're passionate about. If you can't think of anything that tickles your fancy, no worries. Just try some new things, wander, explore. Find the things that light you up inside and then do them.

• Do you struggle? Excellent! Attempting challenging things and pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone will open up a whole new world of inner strength and beauty and courage that you may not have been aware you were hiding under there.

See how wealthy you are? Look at you over there, living a life rich with experience and individuality and people and passion and expansion. I for one am quite impressed. A toast to you and your amazing life! Here's to many more years that are rich with awesomeness.

Lyric of the moment: "I wanna have friends that I can trust, that love me for the man I've become, not the man I was. I wanna fit into the perfect space, feel natural and safe in a volatile place. And I wanna grow old without the pain, give my body back to the earth and not complain..." ~Avett Brothers "The Perfect Space"

Let's all be awesome together

The other day I came across this quote:

"Commencement speakers are always telling young people to follow their passions. Be true to yourself. This is a vision of life that begins with self and ends with self. But people on the road to inner light do not find their vocations by asking, what do I want from life? They ask, what is life asking of me? How can I match my intrinsic talent with one of the world’s deep needs?" ~David Brooks, The Moral Bucket List

I don't feel like I have any particular intrinsic talents. Unless a penchant for punny, nerdy and/or inappropriate jokes counts. (I had to call customer service because I forgot the password to one of my bank accounts. I hardly use it because it's for emergency savings and thankfully I haven't had any emergencies. So the guy is going through all the typical prove your identity questions: last 4 digits of your Social Security Number, mother's maiden name, email address. And then he says, "Ok now I need the answer to the secret question you set up: What is the answer to everything?" and I started laughing. Past me cracks me up. I totally forgot about writing that question. Note: I have since changed the question, in case any would-be identity thieves are also fans of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.)

But Brooks' questions really resonated with me because it's something I've thought about a lot. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. I never felt a passion for any specific profession. I still don't know what life is asking of me. Life is kind of cryptic that way. But the answer that I kept coming back to was this: Awesome. When I grow up I want to be Awesome. Then I thought, Ok, so now what? What does that look like? And I decided I wanted to be a force of honesty and humor and light and love. So that's what I've been trying to do, in my real life and in my little corner of the internet. These are my adventures, my faults, my failures, my little victories, my loves. These are my stories, the lessons I've learned, the good, the bad and the ridiculous. These are my attempts at figuring out this whole being alive thing.

In a world of rampant judgment and hating, I want to be a beacon of understanding and encouragement. There is a proverb, I think it's Swedish, that says "Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is a half sorrow." (Those Swedes know a thing or two about life. And red candy fish.) Let's double our joys and halve our sorrows and triple our hugs. Let's cooperate and build each other up instead of competing and tearing each other down. Let's all be awesome together.

Lyric of the moment: "Keep it up. I know you can. Just keep following the heartlines on your hand..." ~Florence + The Machine "Heartlines"

Reminders

 

 

Lyric of the moment: "Just let it go, enjoy the ride. Without the low, there ain't a high..."

~Young Rising Sons, "High"

My life. In tiny poems.

The satisfying crunch of

leftover pizza lunch.

 

Found a hole in my sweater.

I like the lived-in look better.

There is a windowless van outside. It's yellow.
This makes it seem less creepy, more mellow.

A school bus came down our street and lickety split,
Mozzie ran over and tried to get on it.

I bought a steak.
For Pete's sake.

That time I volunteered for a bike race so new,
and got to open and close the gate at the zoo!

Of all the days that I have run,
the ones with you are the most fun.

We are the wanderers, the explorers, the seekers.
With awesomeness in our blood and mud on our sneakers.

Lyric of the moment: "It's never to late to call on your strength. And if all else should fail, there's still the unknown. On and on, go along. Don't be scared by being alone. If all else should fail, there's still the unknown..."