Adventures in "cooking"

In the past two weeks I have discovered the secret to cooking. Or to be more accurate, I should say "cooking" or "feeding oneself from things you find in your kitchen." Semantics aside, the secret is this: throw a bunch of stuff in a bowl and call it salad. Spinach, frozen veggies you have "cooked" in the microwave, beans, beets (from a can of course. who has time for doing whatever it is you do with beets before you eat them?), couscous, cheese, bow-tie pasta (because bow ties are cool), hummus, honey mustard dressing, (those peas you found in the freezer that said best if used by 06 13 and you weren't sure if that meant June 13th or June 2013 but you decided to give peas a chance anyway), whatever. Just put it in a bowl, mix it around and then eat it. Voila! Lunch. Dinner. Second dinner. No wait, second dinner can never be salad. It just can't. Cheese and crackers, yes. PB sandwich, obviously. But salad is for first meals only.

Some people are culinary masters and that's cool. To them I raise my chocolate milk in toast and say, did I mention I'm looking for a roommate? But me over here, I'm a culinary slacker. I'm just looking to get the most amount of nutrients and deliciousness into my mouth in the least amount of time. My whole random shit+bowl=salad thing takes 10 minutes or less. Which is of the utmost importance to me. Because every minute spent "cooking" is a minute I'm not doing this:

 

or this:

 

Priorities. Am I right?

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for the contents of this post. I haven't eaten sugar in 2 weeks. I'm trying to get rid of this never-ending cold and sugar depresses the immune system, so cookies and I are on a break. You guys, there are 5 sea-salt dark chocolate bars in my pantry that remain uneaten! I haven't even wanted to eat them. Inconceivable, right? It's possible that I have been replaced by a pod person.

I'm a little worried about it because sugar is my only vice and if I give that up, what is left? Clean living? What fun is that? Just kidding. I will never give it up. A life without dessert is no life I want to live. It's just that I think from now on sugar and I are going to be casual acquaintances who only see each other at parties instead of Siamese twins.

Lyric of the moment: "This is not, this is not really happening. You bet your life it is..." Tori Amos "Cornflake girl"