The other day I was watching this guy ahead of me on the expressway who was speeding across lanes, weaving in and out of traffic, in such a hurry to get wherever he was going. At first I rolled my eyes and thought, "look at this jerkface." Then I realized sometimes I am that jerkface, speeding through my life with reckless impatience to get where I want to go instead of slowing down, going with the flow and enjoying the ride.
I want so badly to get back to running, to get faster and stronger and better at everything. All at once. Immediately. I have become Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, all "I want an Oompa Loompa, Daddy. I want an Oompa Loompa now!" And acting like that is not the way to get better at anything. Or to inherit a ridiculously cool chocolate factory.
I know I have to be patient, but patience is hard. Sometimes it feels like waiting around for something that may never happen. Sometimes it feels like putting in a lot of effort and not seeing results. It would be nice if the universe would send me an encouraging sign, perhaps a singing telegram (so much fancier and way cooler than an email), something to the effect of "Keep going. STOP. Things are happening. STOP. Your life is changing. STOP. You just don't know it yet." (All I know about telegrams I learned from cartoons, but I'm pretty sure STOP is an essential part of telegram-speak). I want to believe that everything happens for a reason, that wherever I am it's where I need to be, that I am making some kind of progress, even if it's imperceptible right now. But all I can do is keep going, hope for the best and try not to be a jerkface or a bad egg.
Lyric of the moment: "When you try your best, but you don't succeed. When you get what you want, but not what you need. When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep. Stuck in reverse...Lights will guide you home. And ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you..."
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