Hill Repeat Meditation

I have a hard time with meditation. Even my savasana in yoga is more zombie pose than corpse pose. As soon as I try to be still, my skin suddenly gets very itchy and my brain is all "Hey, look over there! Something that happened 10 years ago! That embarrassing thing you did! A person you don't want to think about! Where are your hands supposed to go? Palms up or down? I think it's up but that feels weird. Palms down feels better. No, it's palms up. The instructor just said palms up. Are we there yet?" The closest I can get to meditation is running a bunch of hills before dawn. I find that hill repeats are easier in the dark because I can half pretend I'm still asleep and also that I'm the only person awake in the whole world. I know that makes no sense. But neither does running uphill at 5am. That's why it's fun.

This morning I ran up the gravel hill at Cobb's Hill 8 times, which is a personal record. I kept waiting for my legs to feel like Jello but they didn't. I kept waiting for my nose to stop running but it wouldn't. I think I could have done at least one more hill, except that I needed to run home, shower and get to work. It was not a fast run (my watch said 6.5 miles, average pace 10:30 per mile) but afterwards I felt the way I think meditation is supposed to make you feel. Calm, centered, happy. Hungry? I think maybe I'm more of a moving meditation sort of person. Especially if there is a soundtrack. There are some songs that always make me feel better about everything, whether it's climbing up a literal or a figurative hill.

Here's my current Playlist For Hill Repeats And Other Obstacles:

Hayling by FC Kahuna: "Don't think about all those things you fear. Just be glad to be here."

Breathe by Telepopmusik: "Just breathe. Just believe."

Your Ex-Lover Is Dead by Stars: "When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire." And "Live through this, and you won't look back."

The Fixer by Pearl Jam: "When something's broke, I wanna put a bit of fixin on it. When something's bored, I wanna put a little exciting on it. If something's low, I wanna put a little high on it. When something's lost, I wanna fight to get it back again."

Ali In The Jungle by The Hours: "It's not how you start, it's how you finish. And it's not where you're from, it's where you're at. Everybody gets knocked down, everybody gets knocked down. How quick are you gonna get up?"

I Lived by One Republic: "Hope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad. The only way you can know is give it all you have. And I hope that you don't suffer but take the pain. Hope when the moment comes, you'll say, I did it all. I, I did it all. I owned every second that this world could give. I saw so many places, the things that I did. With every broken bone, I swear I lived."

Magic by Coldplay: "And if you were to ask me, after all that we've been through. Still believe in magic? Oh yes I do. Of course I do."

Guerilla Radio by Rage Against The Machine: "It has to start somewhere. It has to start sometime. What better place than here? What better time than now?"

Drive by Incubus: "Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes."

Shake It Off by Florence + The Machine: "It's always darkest before the dawn...And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back. So shake him off."

Lyric of the moment: "All you do is call me. I'll be anything you need...I want to be your sledgehammer..." (Because I get to smash things with a sledgehammer tonight! Don't worry, it's legit smashing. Pete has been cleaning out/fixing up his dad's house to get it ready to sell and tonight is break-up-all-the-big-things-to-fit-in-the-garbage night.)