Winter, running, love: An unconventional Valentine.

Saturday morning I woke up to a feels like temperature of -22ºF. I didn't even consider not running outside. That is not a statement of fortitude or determination or being badass. It is just a statement of fact.

I live in a place where it is frequently cold, sometimes excessively so.

I run.

These are the facts of my life.

I don't run for a particular pace or distance. Sometimes I run for someone else's pace or distance and that is fun because I like other people. But it is not about that for me. Mostly, I run to prove to myself that I am unstoppable. Things happen. Things that are cold and shitty and out of my control. But whatever happens, I can keep going. And more importantly, I can embrace these things and even enjoy them. This is my only talent. Keep living or die trying.

I woke up on Saturday needing to be reminded of this. And so I ran. I ran to Ellison Park and got lost. I didn't know where I was, I didn't know where I was going, I didn't see a single other person. I just ran. And then I cried. Not because it was cold and I was lost and alone. Because I was sad and happy and uncertain and grateful and disappointed and felt like I was failing at all the things I most cared about not failing at. Because crying is just the thing that happens when I have too many feelings.

And then I kept running. The sun, a rare occurrence during Rochester winter, reflected off the chunks of ice floating in the stream and it was beautiful. I didn't feel cold. I didn't feel lost. It was exactly what I needed. I ran home and saw a lovely message from Laura that was also exactly what I needed. Still not done crying, apparently.

I spent the weekend with Pete. It was happy and sad and filled with hockey, movies, laughs and Valentine's bagels (red! and strawberry flavored!). The neighbor across the street brought us a card and a picture she took of our house with a rainbow over it and again, I don't even know how this always happens, but it was exactly the right thing at the right time. I shoveled and a man in a car rolled down his window to tell me "It's cold out, do you know that?" A fortune cookie told me "You will be on the list of Most Excellent People." (Which is not a thing, and I would definitely not be on it. Unless it's some kind of menu for mosquitoes, in which case I would be the dessert section.)

These are the facts of my life.

I live in a place where it is frequently cold, sometimes excessively so.

I run.

And I am reminded that I am surrounded by beauty and love.

I don't know how it happened, how I got so lucky. I forget it sometimes, but it's always there. Love that doesn't shy away from the coldness and the challenges of life, but instead runs through them and makes the best of them. Love that really sees you, that accepts you at your best and at your worst, that makes you laugh and makes you pizza.

Lyric of the moment: "Eating super sugar crisp. I was getting used to this. Well, light will keep your heart beating in the future..." ~Mike Doughty "Light Will Keep Your Heart Beating In The Future"