Hindsight

I always think it will be fun to review race pictures. Because the race was fun and I felt pretty good and I may have gotten a bit delirious at times so it's a nice reminder of the parts that are still a bit hazy (During my last loop at WTF, I had a moment of panic where I thought I better not be dreaming right now. If I'm just dreaming this and I have to wake up and run it all again, I'm going to be so pissed). And then I see them and I am horrified. I mean, I wasn't expecting to look like a page out of Runner's World, just passably human. Everyone else looks like the badass harbingers of awesomeness that they are. And then there's me, looking like a cross between a zombie and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow man.

Someone had posted this picture and when I saw it, my first thought was "Oh my god Becky, look at her butt, it is sooo big!" And then I was like seriously, brain? Are you really Sir-Mix-A-Lotting me right now? I ran 15 miles and I just want to enjoy that for a bit. Plus I used up all my mental energy paying attention so I wouldn't fall. I'm too tired to pontificate on the proportions of my posterior.

I find it annoying that my first thoughts about pictures are still self-critical ones. I want to feel as excited and happy about the pictures as I do about my actual life. I rarely have negative thoughts during runs anymore. Or if I do, I shut that shit down fast and get back to enjoying the moment. But afterwards...I'm still working on that. Hindsight can be such a mean girl. (Hindsight, hah! Because we're talking about asses. It's classy up in here.)

I'm not sure why I even have those thoughts, since the truth is that I don't really care how I look. I don't know how other people would describe me but I'd rather be thought of as kind, adventurous, happy or funny than pretty. And I'm not competing with anyone else in looks or in life. Though I'll admit I was slightly jealous of all the awesome beardsicles some people were sporting at the race.

Reminders to self: Awesomeness comes in all shapes and sizes. And when you're out there having adventures and doing cool shit, it's impossible to look anything other than awesome.

Lyric of the moment: "Oh, it's a fragile thing this life we lead. If I think too much I can get overwhelmed by the grace. By which we live our lives with death over our shoulders. Want you to know that should I go, I always loved you..." (The Pearl Jam, man. It gets me every time.)