If you ask anyone who's ever lived with me to describe me, they will probably say a) I am very shy at first (but after I get to know you, all bets are off) b) I've gone through phases where I ate nothing but ice cream and c) I ask a lot of questions. A LOT. Usually those questions just lead to more questions. But I do have rare moments of insight. Yesterday, I came across this entry in one of my old journals:
March 20, 2007
Troubles: I just want to be someone's first choice, someone's best, one true whatever. I'd just like to know that that feels like for once.
Reassurances: No worries, little monkey. You are strong. Look how far you have come. Imagine the things you have yet to do, the people you have yet to meet. You are full of infinite potential. Do not be disheartened by moments of weariness and uncertainty. Be as you are and that will be enough. Give your best to every day and everyone. Let go of expectations. The giving itself is its own reward. Life has a way of working out for the best. Love has a way of coming back to those who give it. Have faith that someday, somewhere, you will be loved for all the craziness that is you.
It's funny how in 4 and a half years everything changes and yet nothing changes. I still think too much. I still doubt everything. I am still looking for impossible things.
But I hope I'm still full of infinite potential.
Lyric of the moment: "All of these lines across my face tell you the story of who I am. So many stories of where I've been and how I got to where I am. But these stories don't mean anything when you've got no one to tell them to..."
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