Running in the moment

Yesterday I tried out the Yoga For Runners DVD I bought on Amazon (I end up with some pretty random things when trying to get my purchases up to $25 to qualify for free shipping). Listening to the narrator's voice, I thought this is what it must feel like to be on Valium. But her trance-like speech was strangely reassuring. Afterwards, I felt like I had gotten both a good stretch and a good nap. She kept saying the body knows what it can handle. My body knows it isn't cut out for yoga, but it will still amuse itself trying.

I started thinking maybe I could apply that idea to my running. I'm not training for any particular race or following any specific plan right now, which is freeing in a way but also leaves me feeling unproductive and a bit lost. I'm tired of feeling dissatisfied with myself, like no matter what I do, it isn't good enough. I don't want to be that girl anymore. She is annoying.

So I think I'm going to let my body run whatever it feels like running for the month of November. I will take it day by day and try to run "in the moment."

This morning I did an easy 3 miles in the morning (It's a little depressing to have to get up when it's still so dark out, but I like running in the dark sometimes because it makes me feel invisible and ninja-y), then did some 800's on the track after work (1 mile warm up, 3x800m at about 3:07 minutes each, with a 400m jog in between, 1 mile cool down). For today, that is enough.

Tomorrow, who knows. I'll figure it out when I get there.

Signs from the universe: I came across a Swedish proverb that says "Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it." And part of someone's self-written wedding vows that said "I promise to try to be ever open to you and above all, to do everything in my power to permit you to become the person you are yet to be." I want to go to there.

Lyric of the moment: "I feel wrong, I’m so human and flawed. I break down even though I’m still strong. And time will make fools of us all. Builds us up and then laughs when we fall..."