Signs from the Universe

Yesterday I ran the East Ave Grocery Run. Objectively, my performance in this race wasn't terrible. I finished in 21:44 (73rd out of 832 and 2nd in my age group, though I didn't stick around to pick up the award). But I was in an awful mood. Lately, I don't feel like racing. I don't feel fast enough. And worst of all, I don't care. My heart just isn't in it. But the run must go on. So I showed up, I ran hard (my chest hurt again) and then I just wanted to get out of there as fast as I could. I went home, changed, went to the gym, did 45 minutes on the elliptical and felt a little better.

This morning I ran 8 miles on the canal with Chris. It was a beautiful sunny morning and just the kind of run I needed. Then at brunch later the chest pain came back and I got annoyed again.

It is what it is. I'd like to think that wherever I am, I am for a reason, that there's some lesson in everything that happens to me. I just have to keep going, working hard and trust that everything will work out eventually.

I went to a psychic for a tarot card reading. Mostly out of curiosity but also because I'm looking for something, some kind of sign maybe. The cards said a lot of things, some of which I really hope come true and a few that I hope are entirely wrong. She did say that the universe will give me whatever I want this year, I only have to ask for it. I feel like that's basically the story of my life. Once I decide what I want, it all falls into place somehow. It's figuring out what I want that's the hardest part.

Lyric of the moment: "When she was just a girl, she expected the world. But it flew away from her reach so she ran away in her sleep, and dreamed of para-para-paradise..."